Fan the Flames: 5 tips to make date night a great night
Whether your relationship is new or you are a few (or many) years in, spending time together is important. It fosters friendship and creates connection, which is a source of strength. As Sue Johnson describes in her book, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, a strong emotional connection with our partner allows us to see ourselves as loveable, competent, and deserving. We are more productive, independent, and curious and able to ask for and provide comfort and support to our loved ones. There are health benefits too! So, how do we make the most out of our time together? Here are a few tips to make dates great:
Make it happen.
With such busy lives, it’s hard to carve out time for dating our partners. If you haven’t been going out on dates, it may feel a bit awkward at first. Maybe you have been disconnected for a while. Talk about what you can do to get back on track. That may mean speaking to a therapist or attending a couple’s retreat. Discuss how you are going to make dates happen consistently and then do it. Your planning may need to be massaged as you experiment but take the time to figure it out. It’s going to have a positive ripple effect into many areas of your lives.
Do something new together.
Novelty is intricately linked to play which triggers positive emotions in our brains. When we experience something new with our partners, we view them as a source of exciting exploration, a support for our self-growth and strengthens our relationship bond. Novel experiences do not need to be over-the-top exciting, just new and different.
Don’t let your phone third wheel.
I know it is tempting to memorialize you and your person enjoying these precious moments but snapping pics and posting them takes you out of the moment. Stay engaged with your partner. You can always reflect on a great date and post about that.
Listen to your partner.
Active Listening is a skill and takes practice. Most of us listen to half of what our partner is saying and then we start forming our response. Listen to everything your dearest is saying until they are done sharing. Then it is your turn to respond! When you are conversing in this way you feel seen, heard, and understood – something we all require as humans.
Touch, with consent.
We bond through welcomed physical touch. All sorts of good stuff happens in our bodies including a release of oxytocin, “the love hormone.” Consider holding hands, kissing, light massage. Maybe sex is on the menu. If you would like to learn more about touch and consent, you can read our blog posts on these subjects.
Dating our partners cultivates a strong bond that has many benefits. When you fan the flames of your relationship by doing something new together or listening to your partner, you’ll not only feel more worthy of love, you’ll also feel more independent, and more confident about asking for what you need. So will your partner! So, give it a shot! Now’s the time to stoke the fire!